Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Life without Missy

I know I just wrote a long post about Missy, but I really feel like I need to get my feelings out. Tomorrow will be a week since we put her to sleep. I hate that term because most people wake up from sleeping. Anyway, I'm not crying as much but I do find myself crying at least 2 times a day. Not full on tears down my face, but my eyes will well up. I quickly stop myself from full-on crying.

Joe and I talk about her just about every day. We remember things about her, things she used to do and her quirks. He actually started writing down the big memories he has, which I feel is therapeutic for him. My biggest hurdle is probably routine. So much of my daily routine involved Missy and I'm really having a hard time with that.

The house feels so empty without her in it. I know Joe and Ethan are both there, and I'm very thankful for that. Yet somehow, without Missy, I don't feel as complete. Missy made our family complete. Although, I feel like it wasn't Missy, specifically, but more so a dog. Don't get me wrong, Missy was an amazing dog and I loved her very, very much. It's just that the joy a dog brings to my life is unique. It's not a joy that can be found in a human.

I brought up getting another dog to Joe. He said that we have to wait until after we get married in June for financial reasons. And he's right. It sucks, but he's right. I think it's also good to just have those few months to grieve. Because as it stands, Missy is still fresh in our minds, thoughts and habits.

There's so many things we do in the house that make us think about her. Little things that just became habit. For example, when someone would ring our doorbell, Missy would go nuts. The other night when the pizza guy rang the bell, Joe and I both immediately thought, "Gotta get Missy." That thought only lasted for a split second, but it's just proof that she's still fresh on our minds.

We did decide that we will get another Pit Bull/Pit mix from a rescue, when we get another dog in June. Not only do Pits get the short end of the stick because of misconceptions, but they are one of the best snuggle breeds you can find. Joe found a great video on YouTube about Pit Bulls. It makes me cry like a baby. I couldn't watch it the first time he showed it to me, but I've since watched it several times.

The BEST thing we all loved about Missy was how much she loved to snuggle. It was seriously THE BEST. She just loved to have some part of her body touching yours. While we don't want a dog who is exactly like Missy was, we would like a dog who loves to snuggle. I'm sure we'll find that in a Pit.

I want to thank each of you who wrote kind words to me on my post, Missing Missy. You have no idea how much that meant to me. You guys really are the best.


alana said...

Just wanted to show you some love! I couldn't imagine not having my dumb dog tripping all over my feet. Life would just be a little less interesting. :(

Joe Nobody said...

Sorry. I know it will take time for the crying to stop. But is good for you to cry I think it helps the healing process. Once you get a new dog he cannot take Missy's place but he can help fill a void in your life. The new one will be loved in a different way because each dog has their own quirks and personality.

Grant said...

Poor April. *pat* *pat* *pat* I remember going through all of that. Thanks for dredging up those memories. :p

Andrea said...

When Fred unexpectedly died? Mike and I went through all of this. Crying went on for a while. I'm not sure how long he mourned, but it was quite a while for me. And we already had Phoebe in place. So, you do get attached to that particular dog. Having another dog there doesn't ease the pain at all.

Shit, I can think about losing either or mine now and tear up. At just the thought!

So, just continue to know that it is perfectly ok to miss her and cry and be sad. She was a part of your life and your family and your routine and now she is gone. Of course you are going to miss that.

I'm so sorry.

Joker_SATX said...

Chica, you have a good heart. Always remember that....

Kira said...

My dog has no amount of pit bull in her as far as I know, and she's a total snuggler. She's also one to burrow, too. She loves being under the blankets. Keep in mind that although having a dog of a specific breed greatly increases the chance of this trait or that, each dog sure does have his or her own personality, too.

I'm still not over my cat dying a year and a half ago, although the crying is down to once every other month with something triggering it. I know that there will be many of your readers who will snort and roll their eyes in disgust and say, a cat can't compare to a dog. But really, Chian followed us everywhere. We went for walks, and he came with us. He came when he was called. He loved snuggling. He put up with kids pulling out his fur and lying on him and always seemed to understand, "Hey, they're little and don't know better" (as in his intro to children was my six-month-old daughter crawling over to him and ripping out two fists full of fur--he just laid there and purred, and when I pulled him away to safety, he came back and laid in front of her and purred). When the kids were sick, he would never leave their side. When I miscarried he wouldn't even let me go to the bathroom alone, constantly pressed against me no matter what. He liked to be carried around. He slept in our bed, except when he had a severe bladder infection and slept outside of the litter box because he was determined to NOT pee anywhere but his box. He was so integrated into our lives that the disentangling was the most painful part of the process. I still open up the refrigerator and expect a cat head to appear and say, "Meow." (translation: is there chicken in there?)

Our dog and cat cannot replace Chian; nothing ever can. But we were so honored to have him in our life. He was part of our family. And death does not change that. It took time to just be able to go through a day without thinking of him constantly, and it will take time with Missy. But you'll never forget her entirely. She'll always be at the back of your mind. And really, that's HER gift to YOU. Hang in there, April!

Another Suburban Mom said...

I am glad you are going to get a rescue dog and that you are waiting so you will be in the best frame of mind to enjoy your new dog.