Here is a conversation that took place over the phone yesterday.
Me: "Hey Boogie."
Ethan: "Hey Mommy."
Me: "What's up?"
Ethan: "Do we have a pair of scissors that I can keep just for myself?"
Me: "As far as I know, we only have the one pair of scissors in the kitchen. But I can get you a pair. What do you need them for?"
Ethan: "You don't want to know."
Me: "Well I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know."
Ethan: "Are you sure you want to know?"
Me: "Please tell me you're not wanting scissors to cut your pubic hairs."
Me: "Oh my God! Are they really that long that you need to start trimming them? I mean you're twelve!"
Me: "NO! Forget I asked that! If you REALLY need to trim your pubes, you don't do it with scissors. You don't want to cut yourself down there."
Ethan: "Well what do I use?"
Me: "You would use a small hair trimmer. It looks like the clippers I use to cut your hair only smaller."
Ethan: "HAIR CLIPPERS?"
Me: "A smaller version of hair clippers, like a beard trimmer. Joe has one downstairs that he uses."
Ethan: "Joe trims his pubes?"
Ethan: "How do you know? Have you seen him do it?"
Me: "No! He's just not good at getting all the hairs cleaned up. There's always a few strays on the rim of the toilet"
Ethan: "Gross! I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you."
Me: "Love you. Bye."
Ethan: "Love you, too. Bye."
Deep Throat of the Day: Can I get a mom pass to skip his puberty?
(p.s. Joe, if you're reading this, sorry I outed you to Ethan and the interwebs. Lover you bunches!)