* There is no such thing as a truthful, honest and open relationship.
His response to my request for clarification was, "As to the first point. Give me your deepest darkest secret. Then let me speak with your significant other. Without your coaching, if I ask him would he know what that deepest darkest secret is?" I answered in more words but basically, "Yes."
Our exchange ended with him saying that I'm lucky although due to his pessimism, he doesn't believe it. And I completely understand that as I was once one of those people. After all, I was in a marriage without honesty and trust. The only thing open was our bedroom. (Yay for threesomes!) As a matter of fact, prior to Joe, I hadn't had a relationship that included honesty, trust or openness. But don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty as they were.
It was after my marriage that I knew exactly what I wanted. No more lies. No more secrets. No more settling. No more pretending to be something I'm not.
I went into my relationship with Joe, not looking for anything serious. But he was so real and sincere. We hit it off tremendously well. I was able to be ME. The goofy, passionate, opinionated ME. And he accepted me just the way I was. On our second date, he told me some personal things about himself that he normally would've hidden. He wanted me to know those things about him so I would know HIM and not the person he thought I'd like. As it turns out, HE is the person I'm quite fond of.
I believe it was his honesty on our second date, combined with the strong connection we felt, that laid the path of honesty and trust we're on today. It was very hard for him to tell me the things he told me on our second date. I saw the vulnerability in his eyes.
From then on we have been honest with each other. Well, there were 2 things. One was a lie on my part. The first time I showered in his shower, I fell down. Hey, balancing on one leg while taking a shower isn't easy! I told him that I dropped the bottle of shampoo. I felt so guilty for lying that I came clean the next day.
The other thing was a secret. It was something from my past that was very embarrassing for me to admit. I was ashamed of what I had done and it's definitely something that could make someone think differently of me. I didn't tell him about it until after he proposed. There were many, many times that I wanted to tell him. It weighed heavily on my mind for a long time. But after he proposed, I knew I had to tell him. I couldn't keep a secret like that from someone who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. So, I told him. He didn't even blink an eye.
I feel like I've been in enough relationships which were filled with lies that I can tell I'm in one that isn't. Maybe I'm naive for feeling that way but I don't think so. And I certainly don't feel that there's no such thing as an honest and open relationship. From what I know, Kira has a solid, honest, open relationship, as do Another Suburban Mom and Hubman.
What do you guys think? Is it naive to believe that honest and open relationships exist?